When i was in the fifth grade i rode on a big yellow school bus to Forest Avenue elementary school. That year i was the oldest on my bus and therefore sat in the back... As the younger children sat quietly in the front and waited pateintly for time to grant them the privelge of being appointed to sit in the back row of brown leather seats, their i sat and stared out of the window as the houses slowly passed by... I cannot remember the exact day or the child's name but i know that it was in the month of December when i ruined Christmas for a first grader... I told him that Santa was a fake, a fraud, a myth, made up by parents to give kids something to believe in when in actuality the presents we were receiving under the evergreen trees in our respective living rooms was from our moms and dads. When i came home from school and told my mother what i had done, she was furious... She scolded me with a very disappointing glare and said, "Justin you just ruined Christmas for that boy and his family." It is not until now being some 16 years removed from the incident on that yellow bus that i realize the magnitude of what i had done....Its ironic that sometimes the things that mean the most in this world are the things you cannot explain, touch, or hold onto...It is with this preface that i write a testimony of December the 25th on the 25th year of my life...
My mind struggles to grasp the memories of Christmas past and the traditions that sustained me as a child... I remember leaving cookies (always Oreo) and a glass of milk for Santa Claus with carrots for his reindeer...Waking up with crusty eyes too cookie and carrot crumbs on that white dish with the gold trim. I remember watching the Christmas story on television and hanging on each unforgettable line as if I hadn't seen it a thousand times prior.. I can still vaguely feel the nerves in my body keeping me from sleep, and the bright Christmas lights on my neighbors lawns illuminating the block with a spirit so invigorating even scrooge would have to stop and take a second look... Modernity has changed me... I'm taller now, with more facial hair and less of desire to deck the halls.. I would die to walk in a winter wonderland but the snowflakes have turned to rain drops, no longer do i have holly jolly Christmases...Now caffeine gives me a manufactured alertness, and the neighbors are older and far to practical to leave their Christmas lights on all hours of the night...No longer do i tear open gifts as if it were the first thing i had ever received, no longer do i stand under mistletoe with protruding lips or write a list for old Saint Nick....
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